the end

3 am, wake up
cold water in my face
so cold
ice cold

he is yelling
he has lost it
he is inhuman

my body starts to shake
fight or flight
i try to speak
he pours water on me again
i try to move
more water

it is so cold
my mind isn't clear
he is going to kill me
i see it in his eyes

it is
a calm rage in his eyes
i realize
he is enjoying this
he loves this
every second.
he wants me afraid.

i assess the room.
trapped.
more ice water
more yelling

he takes his time
calling his family
one by one
and describing sex with me
he has lost it
he sends some of them pictures
of me
nudes
not for public

it feels like rape
violation
indignation

my mind slows
survive
survive
you have to survive

i realized that he had gone overboard
because he knew my point
my february point
was proven.

i start praying
and watching
and praying

 3 hours. I was there, wet, exposed and under attack for three hours.


my youngest wakes up
and lays beside me
he keeps spraying me
dousing me
and getting the baby wet

Lord, help me. I am stuck. The babies are in danger. Help! 


the phone rings.
my family is calling!
hallelujah!
something alerted them

my best friend
was praying
praying and felt
like she had to call
something was wrong

when she called
from out of state
God moved her heart
to call from out of state
so early in the morning

when she called
he wouldn't let me talk

i was a hostage

She gets on facebook
contacts a friend
friend calls the police

the end begins.
the police came three times.

Your only option, your only way out, is to come live with me
in a one-bedroom apartment, forget the divorce, never talk to anyone 
you know again. You will do exactly what I say, when I say it. 
Choose. Life or death.


I chose life. He just didn't know it.