Stuck

Hanging up Christmas lights around the door.
He is sitting on the couch.
His voice narrates every moment of every day.
I am almost used to it.

Worthless... can't you do anything right? 
What the hell are you doing? 
I should just do it myself.
I know better than to give you a damned hammer.
My God, from this angle I can see how fucking fat you have gotten.
You are disgusting. 


I feel the hammer get ripped from my hand.
He always takes things from my hands without telling me.
It feels violent and violating.
Taking over before I give it over.

I see red.
For the first time in my life, I see red.
I fight the urge to make a life-changing choice.

Astonished at where my mind had just gone, I sit silently on the couch.
He hangs the lights.
I realize this doesn't end well.
I can't leave.
I can't stay.
Something has to give.