Thursday, March 8, 2012

the end begins

Driving back from out of state
he texts me

Suicide plans

He has a plan
He has intent
He has the means

I am so tempted not to respond
to let him
it would be so much easier
but my babies were in that house
and he planned to
let them see him

he planned to
make them exposed to
his body

for hours
until I got there

they were babies

I couldn't protect them.
If I call the cops too soon, they take them into protective custody.
When do I get them back?
What would that do to them?
If I call too late
They see

I have nothing but long, dark road ahead of me.
I see the road
and I know
from here
there is no turning back.

I call the cops
arrive as they do
his narcotic bottle is empty
he is sitting on the front porch
calling me names

the neighbors are watching
the things he is calling me
I wish I cared
I was too numb
too pissed

he says he was faking it
just to see if I would react
and as normal
I overreacted
you are such a dumb bitch.

I tell his mother to go get him
I go to bed
and wonder when this ends.

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