nervous

bringing you to today again.
Two days of calm

today the calm avoids me like a naughty child playing hide and seek in an overcrowded store.
I am frustrated in my attempts to find it.

My chest hurts, my heart is racing.

Breathing and repeating.

I forgive you.
I love you.
I am not going to let you hurt me anymore


I am calm
I am loved
God has this


I feel really powerless
like the clock is hostile
ticking seconds too fast
sometimes too slow

The only thing left to do is what needs to be done.
You let me handle him.


God has been with me. He has this plan.
I am on the road
there are no more turns.
just straight.

My feet are heavy
Why is today so hard?

I slept 12 hours last night
fell asleep doing cognitive restructuring exercises
picturing calm and bliss in the court room

Why is my heart hurting today?
Why is it racing?

Pray with me,
I need more faith.